Vespers in the Moonlight

Dear all:

Please be informed that this blog is closed.  A new blog was put up by yours truly on Wordpress.

The site? SECRET. Hehehe.

Taka

09 March 2008 04:12 AM

Hindi ko maunawaan

Kung bakit ako

Bakit ako ang napili

Bakit sa akin dapat sumapit

Ang nais ko lamang ay

Wagas na pagmamahal

Mula sa isang taong may wagas na puso’t damdamin

Darating pa kaya ang pagkakataon

Upang makilala pa siya

Sa kabila ng aking karamdaman,

Sa kabila ng aking paghahanap sa tunay

Sa kabila ng paghahanap sa taong

Hindi ko inaasahan na makikila ko

At makikilala pa?

It was Holy Wednesday. I had one of my saddest and most depressed moments. My chronic manic depression continued to linger on disrupting my everyday life even before Domingo de Ramos. What supposed to be a happy and soulful situation for me because I have a new job turned out to be a lonely, weird, indescribable mourning for myself. I became so lonely. I kept on thinking why I always feel the same way every time I have a new work. Was this Spartan Complex? Dependency Disorder? I don’t know.

I asked my friends and some of my acquaintances several questions pertaining to the biggest questions in life. At the same time, I continued to soul search and wander inside myself to look for some answers. It was Easter Monday, after I have decided not to go to work because of my aching right chest, that I remembered Brooke White. She was telling me something during her performance last March 11. I was mesmerized by her song. It was meant for me.

Let It Be

The Beatles

Cover by: Brooke White

When I found myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom,

“Let it be”

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom

“Let it be”

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Oh, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

When the brokenhearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer

Let it be

Though they may be parted

There is still a chance

That they will see

There will be answer

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Oh let it be

There will be an answer

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Oh let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

When the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine until tomorrow

Let it be

I wake up to the sounds of music

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Oh let it be

There will be an answer

Let it be (2x)

When I first saw you

I thought it was love at first sight

Never wasted any moment

To make you tattooed on my mind

We even made love that night

Made it our night

Didn’t get tired of holding you so tight.

It has been nineteen days

And for the days that have passed

I can’t remember a bit of you

My mind was lost

Can’t recall even the slightest of you

You died instantly.

“But what about that love

That I thought had clicked at first sight?”

I asked.

For days,

I struggled…recalled…remembered

You kept on ignoring me; it was painful

But I tried to go back to that single night

When we were one.

Then I saw you

Looking at me in my memory, smiling.

I smelt that fresh mint,

Smelt that likely body scent

And those deep brown eyes

But it wasn’t you.

Awaking

My tiring body broken over the green lawn

My eyes finally could see

I was in loved with

A mere resemblance of you

An ideal you

The one whom I thought was you

The one I wished you to be.

Funny

I saw you but I never looked at you so deeply

That I fell in love with your resemblance;

I fell in love with you

But not with you.

February 23, 2008

Relationships are important. But not all the time. Not to the point that I would want it to be something that will complete me and make me happy.

That was what I realized. I did something yesterday that had reckoned myself and had made me thought about what do I really need in life. I found the answer that night while I was with someone else: I need nobody in order to be happy; being there in front of me won’t make me happier, it won’t complete the emptiness that I feel. Having someone beside me all the time won’t change the way my life goes; in contrast, it could even ruin my life and alter what I used to be. It’s not an issue of accepting change, it’s an issue of needing someone to complete me.

I need someone to be happy, but I need to find him first. That someone is myself. And I am all I need to be happy. Life in terms of relationships is not like completing puzzles; it is mending broken glasses.

I need no one but myself. That’s the only way to be complete.

(lyrics by Jeffry Acaba)

Saw you one time in school with your friends

I smiled at you but you didn’t seem to care

Then you turned around

Couldn’t believe what I have found

You’re going back to where I am

And then you are here

Sitting beside me

Can’t believe you are here to stay

And as you move

Closer beside me

I don’t even know what to say.

Was wondering why you’re coming near

You smiled again, it was so sincere

You leaned and told me something

Couldn’t believe what you’ve said

You told me you’d stay around

And then you are here

Sitting beside me

Can’t believe you are here to stay

And as you move

Closer beside me

I don’t even know what to say.

Sometimes life is just so funny

Surprises you in every way

Having you hear beside me

Will surely be the best day.

Tonight I feel so wasted

Just like those other nights when

I was able to feel love with someone but

He won’t and can’t love me back.

Just like those other nights

My heart is being crushed by a million might

My cathedral of faithfulness and of truth and of love

Is gradually being pound down to the ground

I can even hear its glasses’ shattering sound.

But no matter how hard I try

To keep this feeling from bursting inside

It still hurts a lot.

But no one cares

No one ever cares

As I hear the sound of my voice screaming

no one bothers to listen.

I feel so wasted

I feel so alone

What a joyful the world has been given me.

Maybe I would just wish to die

So people will start to care

Maybe when I’m gone

Then they can give some time lamenting on me

Maybe the grave is a paradise.

Then soon I’ll wake up from my death

Open my eyes and see

A paradise with God who

I know will come and accept me.

The world doesn’t care anyway

So what’s the sense of living?

What’s the sense of waiting,

Of hoping; of praying?

Stop feeding your emotions with that kind of anxiety

Stop yourself in lingering to things that you shouldn’t be

Thinking of what happened, I know it must have hurt

But we can’t do anything; no, it won’t fade.

It’s as natural as it can be

You can’t stop the feeling even if you are not worthy

It’s the best thing that you can ever feel

Believe me love’s for real.

But if people can’t accept it

Then so be it.

You can’t let love transcend that easily.

Be happy for you can feel the love

Even if it’s not worthy.

Let them walk away if you can

That will be the only way to be free

Free to love, free to hurt

Love’s like the world, it never stops.

Cheer up, my old friend

You know where to find that strength

The courage to continue on again

The day is early; it’s a long way ahead.

You’d done this, had felt that

As if this was your first time; no, it’s not.

Wake up from that eternal slumber

It’s only a dream

Face the reality

Everyone needs you, you’re a stream.

You do need nobody

To help you make a stand

Don’t be scared of your future

It’s already been planned

So, hush, my little darling

Oh, my little child

Stop from crying

I have you, hold my hand.

I know you can let it go

Isolation is the best way for you to be mold

Love is everywhere

It is alright

If you can feel it but they can’t

So what

Lest you have it inside.

Learn to take heart

Transform the feeling within

Make it move you

Grow in love.

Anthropology teaches us the importance of the diversity of the human spirit. It lets us discover that diversity, which is manifested through culture.

We need diversity of human spirit, for it is in this diversity that we understand the geography of human hope; of how humans strive to survive.

Colored papers that make the world go round

I thought I was different

But then again

I was like everybody else

Foolish

I have been foolish

To give more than what I can give

To spend more than what I can spend

I have been prey to guilty pleasures

So now I endure

The suffering of having nothing

My mind consciously traveling my recent past

Wondering about the stupidities I made

I was caught in the middle

In this century-old dilemma

That everyone has to bear

Yet now I have come to know

There can only be one answer

For the future of the people

SAVE.